Link: New metaphors from old cliches

David L., a student in one of my creative writing classes this semester, has posted some new endings to some familiar comparisons. Here are some of my favorites: 

You are the sun in my sky—

The person I can’t stand to look at for more than 10 seconds.

Love is a lemon

Either bitter or sweet—

Or broken beyond repair.

and 

Time is money—

Worthless.

Happiness is a brick of gold—

Most of it is locked away in a vault in Kentucky.

Relationships are peanut butter and jelly—

Dangerous to nerds.

 

Link: Literary tattoos

I don’t have any tattoos, mainly because I don’t know of any message or image I’d like to have permanently engraved on my corpus. But I do appreciate some of the tattoos at this Buzzfeed link. I think I like most the idea of using simple illustrations from some of these books — the minimalist approach.

A machine is lying, or I’m boiling alive

This is what I saw while driving past on my way home today:

Byron IL Middle School, 1 May 2013

Byron IL Middle School, 1 May 2013

I was just driving home, minding my own business, when an epistemological quandary in the shape of an unhealthily high temperature flashed at me: Do I accept the meaning of these symbols, or do I instead choose the differing message I’m interpreting from what my senses tell me, thereby regarding the printed symbols as empty of meaning? (And while I ponder, I’ll stay inside my air-conditioned car, just in case.) Ah, I’m always having to decide what is my reality. And the symbols with which we or others used to describe reality may not be describing reality at all. This afternoon, this public school’s message board started publishing fiction.

On royalty and sigils of high schools: The Fightin’ Ebolas?

The school where I attended and now teach has a symbol (or mascot? sigil?) of a “hub,” the center part of a wheel. (Wikipedia helpfully provides an illustration, in context here.) Our school’s athletic teams are known as “The Hubs,” and these wheel parts are apparently default-gender male, as our women’s teams are referred to as “Lady Hubs.”

The story is that this nickname comes from the city’s location at the intersection of rail lines and highways. As a symbol, it’s not an embarrassing one, and Illinois does have its share: The Hubs often play the Pretzels, the Barbs (based on barbed-wire fencing), and the E-Rabs during the same year.

I’m sure there are many other high school mascot names as strange as the ones  here, and many of them recognize the unique features or histories of their areas. On the other hand, perhaps some of these symbols are self-perpetuating jokes that have outlived their usefulness, or were never that great to begin with. Some are wildly insensitive to particular ethnicities, such as my own college’s. Several local schools have claimed the tiger as a mascot, with no apparent connection to anything other than, perhaps, the tiger’s reputation for ferocity.

But a tiger is pretty paltry stuff when there are so many other mascot choices schools could make to give themselves a formidable appearance. Teams named Spartans, Vikings, Pirates, and Buccaneers are getting closer in spirit to the fearsome aggression that could be inspired, but these are perhaps too historically distant to really convey terror properly. I’m not sure Captain Fear, dressed as a life-size Cabbage Patch Kid, is frightening anybody.

So here’s my only-mostly-facetious suggestions: First, let’s let students pick new mascots from time to time — maybe every year? That would help everybody remember the particular sports season, as in: “That 1-and-12 season? Weren’t we the Rascals that year? Let’s never use THAT name again.”

Second, let’s get some modern, truly frightening mascots. I’d like to publicly suggest The Ebolas as a team name.  Who would even want to play against The Ebolas? On the other hand, teams could brag, “We beat Ebola!”

Our team names could be a “ripped from the headlines” way to educate our communities: the “Global Warmings” (and the “Lady Global Warmings”)? the “Wealth Inequalities”? the “Declining Sperm Counts” (and “Lady Declining Sperm Counts”)? “The Extraterritorial Drone Strikes”?

What about the social pariahs we genuinely fear?  The “Guantanamo Detainees”? Or, the “Guantanamo Interrogators”? Maybe “The Serial Murderers”?  “Federal Bureaucrats” (and “Lady Federal Bureaucrats”)? “The Media” — the Fightin’ Reporters, Broadcastin’ Intimidation? “Undocumented Workers”? Hey, what about this much-maligned group: “The Regulatin’ Lib’rals”!

What about minor annoyances: The “Hangnails”? The “Papercuts”? The “Putrefying Meats in the back of the Refrigerator” (and the “Lady …”)? The “Slow-Loading Webpages”?

Anyway, this is just a little list to get school boosters thinking. But while I’m on the subject of school culture, I’d like to also point out another strange tradition: Why, in this great democracy, founded on rebellion FROM a king, do we still select a “King” and a “Queen” for the Prom dance? Actually, our school selects via an election — which, of course, isn’t really how most kings and queens were historically chosen.  Why don’t we just have Prom Presidents, instead?  Or, if we keep the King and Queen titles, let’s let those students act like real monarchs for the night: they get to decide who marries whom, who gets sent on diplomatic or military missions, who gets taxed how much, and which other dancers face beheading.

Disclaimer: All of this is in jest. I do not now, nor have I ever, endorsed beheadings of prom-goers.

Links: 30 April 2013: Technology, pets, food stamps, etc.

Playing catch-up here with links to sundry articles:

1. Writing and reading as more interactive than before. (via The Dish)

2. Food stamp participation by county.

3. U.S. students make up the largest proportion of top-scoring students. It turns out that we don’t need education reform so much as we need poverty reform.

4. We have relationships with our dogs, which relationships we can tell stories about; but we only look at our cats, of whom we make images. Thus, there are more books about dogs but online video and photos of cats. From my experience living with both, I’d say that’s about right.

5. The first World Wide Web page, recreated. Already, I feel like a oldster, telling my students of the days when I was first online, 1992, when I used the Gopher program to find addresses of people at other universities, and when I had email but only had two or three other people with whom to communicate online. I liked this story above for both the Gopher mention and for the screen image from NeXT computers, which I also used in fall 1992 and which now seems like the Edsel of computers.

6. The New York Times Book Review may be on its last legs. , and with it, “Book reviews, I am afraid, are a downer, an outdated form. Literary editors – hell, literary people in general – are mightily outdated, too.” And as much as I enjoyed reading the Book Review as a younger person who wished to participate in the community represented by the Book Review, I’m not sure any more that the end of “literary people” is necessarily a bad thing. “Literary culture” now seems an idea founded as much on myth and opinion and posturing as much as anything else.

7. Birth of a new conjunction: “slash.”

8. What you eat help forms what you like to eat.

9. A “Lord of the Flies” real-life adventure that wasn’t so “Lord of the Flies”-ish at all. :

One day, in 1977, six boys set out from Tonga on a fishing trip. They left safe harbor, and fate befell them. Badly. Caught in a huge storm, the boys were shipwrecked on a deserted island. What do they do, this little tribe? They made a pact never to quarrel, because they could see that arguing could lead to mutually assured destruction. They promised each other that wherever they went on the island, they would go in twos, in case they got lost or had an accident. They agreed to have a rotation of being on guard, night and day, to watch out for anything that might harm them or anything that might help. And they kept their promises—for a day that became a week, a month, a year. After fifteen months, two boys, on watch as they had agreed, saw a speck of a boat on the horizon. The boys were found and rescued, all of them, grace intact and promises held.

10. A post about literary pets contains this quotation from William S. Burroughs about his cats:

Thinking is not enough. Nothing is. There is no final enough of wisdom, experience — any fucking thing. Only thing can resolve conflict is love, like I felt for Fletch and Ruski, Spooner, and Calico. Pure love.

Love? What is It?
Most natural painkiller what there is.

11. Pictures from the frontlines of TV news on-location reports, showing some of what the edited image excludes. This reminds me of some of the press conferences I went to as an agriculture reporter, where my first-person accounts could have easily been more interesting to read than the items being conferred.

12. Media reporting tends to misunderstand and misstate science results.

13. Andrew Sullivan considers how a lot of online media exposure may influence/alter our thinking.

Link: Guantanamo torture memoir

The memoir of Guantanamo detainee Mohamedou Ould Slahi is a compelling, sobering read. (History of the memoir and of its writer is detailed here.)

A couple sections that particularly grabbed my attention:

[the U.S. government] that claims to be the leader of the democratic free world, a government that preaches against dictatorship and “fights” for human rights and sends its children to die for that purpose. What a joke this government makes of its own people! What would the dead-average American think if he or she saw what his or her government is doing with someone who has done no crimes against anybody? (source)

And (where “[-----]” indicates redaction):

“You can decide which one you’d like to watch.” I picked the movie Black Hawk Down; I don’t remember the other choice. The movie was both bloody and sad. I paid more attention to the emotions of [ -----] and the guards than to the movie itself. [-----] was rather calm. He paused the movie every once in a while to explain to me the historical background of certain scenes. The guards almost went crazy emotionally because they saw many Americans getting shot to death. But they missed the fact that the number of U.S. casualties was negligible compared to the Somalis who were attacked in their own homes. I was just wondering how narrow-minded human beings can be. When people look at one thing from one perspective, they certainly fail to get the whole picture, and that is the main reason for the majority of misunderstandings that sometimes lead to bloody confrontations. (source)

and finally:

[One of the captors said:] “You haven’t been tortured. You must trust my government. As long as you’re telling the truth, nothing bad is gonna happen to you!” Of course [-----] meant The Truth as it’s officially defined; I didn’t want to argue with [ -----] about anything. (source)

Program notes: Follower-spam?

Over the last week or two, I have been emailed a number of notices that I’ve got new followers, but only a few of these seem to be real people. Many of these email notices don’t contain any listing of posts by that follower, and several “followers” seem to have commercially oriented names.

Two questions: 1. Is anybody else getting these lately, and 2. are these fake followers going to lead to me getting new spam every time I add a post?