Summer quotes from food places

Weds. 18 June

“Ev’ry time I lay down to read the paper, I can’t read the paper. My eyes start watering,” said an older male voice at Dos Amigos restaurant, Byron, about 6:15 tonight.

Thurs. 19 June

Also at the diner today, our waitress friend complained about religious songs on the radio. “‘Raise your hands, praise the Lord’ — oh, God, there’s no such thing,” she atheized.

A little girl at our diner turns around in her seat and tells us that she’s only 10 months shy of being 6. “And you know what I want? LOTS of make-up,” she says. Also, “I can EVEN use knives! ” Meanwhile, my wife tells her own story: “I think I wrote a sentence the other day.”

Tues. 29 July

“Wait, you’re planning to get trashed, aren’t you?” asked a 20 – something woman at Starbucks on East State, Rockford, IL, at about 11:40 a.m., of whomever she was talking to on her phone.

Thurs. 31 July

A woman has “4 pounds of crap to do on a 2-pound plate,” said a 50-ish woman to another yesterday, at Beef-A-Roo on Riverside, Loves Park, IL, at about 1:30 p.m.

Sat. 9 August

Overheard at the diner this morning: “To be perfectly honest with you …,” said a 20-some guy who was about to be rude to his girlfriend.

Fri. 15 August

Friday night grocery lights:

“Babes dig milk,” he says.

Sat. 16 August:

At the diner, Saturday morning. 
My wife: “I know that little girl. ”
Me: “The one who just walked by here?”
My wife: “Yeah. I tricked her into thinking I was psychic, once.”

Also at the diner, I heard Jessica Waitress say: “That was like a cross between a horse and a witch … and maybe a little goat thrown in there, too.”
The waitress later told us she was describing the laugh of Kim Waitress. Jessica further explained that Kim sometimes surprises her by purring in her ear, and then Kim demanded, “Purr in MY ear. I want to know what it’s like. “