‘We Need More Bus’: My Students Explain Things

Here are things I’ve overheard my high school students say in recent days.

1. “I hate gravity because it throws my stuff on the ground,” said student.

2. “Sometimes when I tuck in my shirt, I tuck in my hair, too, ” said long-haired student.

3. “I got in trouble because I was lookin’ up cat herpes or something, ” said senior student.

4. “It’ll be funny SOMEday,” said senior girl after a senior boy sustained an injury while engaged in what the oldtimers would have unironically called “horseplay. ”

5. “We need more bus,” said a student on a school bus that was more full than usual but wasn’t actually all that full. “Double up. Quit your whining,” deadpanned the bus driver.

6. “I’m not that smart, I promise,” said sophomore student after I told her to stay away from my computer so I didn’t suspect her of changing grades.

7. “This is from, like, a decade ago,” said senior girl as she turned in an assignment due 3 weeks ago. “You did this when you were 8?” I replied.

8. “I want to be a satyr,” said sophomore boy as our class discussed the Greek god Dionysus and his followers. “Are you saying you don’t have big man-parts?” asked sophomore girl.