‘It’ll be funny SOMEday’: Quotes from students in class of ’15

Here are statements made by my students, which I’ve recorded over the last three years from students in the graduating class of 2015.

Vanessa Aburto-Flores:

I am so CLEVER, like SO clever,” Vanessa said, about what, I’m not sure. 17 Nov. 2014.

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Handing in an assignment due three weeks earlier, Vanessa told me, “This is from, like, a decade ago.” “You did this when you were 8?” I replied. 30 Jan. 2015.

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Brenda Aguila:

He’s stabbing her bun,” she said of Austin Stewart pushing a pencil into Rachel Guerrero’s hair. 11 Nov. 2014.

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Are you gonna kill your husband?” said Brenda to Rachel Guerrera, after the final exam for 9th hour. 18 Dec. 2014.

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Whitney Altepeter:

I’ll see you later,” she said. “No, you won’t,” answered Sam Moore (see below). 16 Oct. 2014.

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Mariah Baker:

To Becca Miller (see below), Mariah said: “Your family came into Aldo’s yesterday and I saw them.” 17 Oct. 2014.

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Aaron Belmonte:

I drew a swastika on somebody’s back. I was happy.” 7 May 2014.

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Nick Berry:

I don’t think you’ve sewed [or “so’d”?] a day in your life,” Nick said to Kam Hess. 7 Oct. 2014.
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To a couple classmates sitting on his desk, Nick said, “Children, I’d like to sit in my seat … I call everybody ‘children.’ Everybody’s a children to me.” 16 Oct. 2014.
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Everything up here hurts,” he said, indicating his chest. 23 Oct. 2014.
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I’m just the one with the knife,” said Nickberry, about what, I’m not sure. He also said, “You were just being Rose [from “Titanic”?],” said Nick after someone, maybe Nick, put “arms around Drew Slade” (my notes say). 23 Oct. 2014.
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“… when you’re born, instead of an umbilical cord, you have a pet lemur,” Nick said. He later explained this was Kam Hess’s sci-fi idea. 17 Nov. 2014.
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Angel Bryan told Nick, who has red hair and was carrying a green folder,”Your hair contrasts too much with that folder.” “It’s Christmas, leave me alone,” said Nick. 19 Nov. 2014.
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Eleventeen is my favorite number,” Nick said. 16 Dec. 2014.
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Where’s Mr. Hagemann’s face?” said Nick, of a picture of me that he’d put on his portfolio. “I usually assume it’s at the top of my neck,” I said. 16 Dec. 2014.
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Reliving things: sometimes it’s great; sometimes it’s absolutely disgusting,” Nick said as Eli Valdivieso (below) looked at a 2007 yearbook. 18 Feb. 2015.
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Nick also said, “Trying is the best hard thing I can do.” 18 Feb. 2015.
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Mark Boehm:

Said to Nick Berry, of their get-rich-by-collecting-others’-change scheme: “Nick, let’s dress like homeless people!” Nick said, “I just got a second dime. Mark, we’re makin’ it!” 20 Nov. 2014.

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Lexi Brooks-Larson:

We are making a pact. We cannot take these stickers off unless they fall off,” said Lexi on 31 Aug. 2012, after I handed her and two other girls some stickers.

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Lexi told me she had Ebola. I asked if she’d been eating fruit bats or monkeys. “I had a monkey for dinner last night,” she lied (I hoped). 23 Oct. 2014.

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They spelled all of my names wrong,” said Lexi of a local-newspaper article about her softball team in which she was wrongly named. 1 May 2015.

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Angel Bryan:

Angel said something about a gaggle of boys. Nick Berry said, “Isn’t a gaggle a group of geese?” Angel said, “Aren’t boys geese?” 3 Nov. 2014.
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Angel said, “If that’s what I get for being honest, I don’t want to be honest anymore.” Angel said to me, “I’ll tell you the story later. It’s actually a really good story,” but she never told me. 7 Nov. 2014.
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 Angel Chavez:

This song makes me want to learn to make moonshine,” said Angel of a Flat & Scruggs banjo music I played in class. 22 Feb. 2013.

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Natasha Childers:

I wish there was a hole in the wall so I could stick my feet out,” Natasha said as she sat at the computer along the classroom wall. 12 April 2013.

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Alythea Claiborne:

Alythea, apropos nothing: “Mr H., if you had kids and your wife was pushing a stroller in her bikini, would you be mad?” 13 Dec. 2012.

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Speaking of Juan, Alythea said to Darline Contreras: “Eww. Oh, wait, isn’t that your boyfriend?” 13 Dec. 2012.

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I wanna read, you guys. You guys [who were reading] look smart,” said Alythea to Darline C. and Caitlyn Kirk. 13 Dec. 2012

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What do normal guys write about?” asked Alythea. I don’t recall the context. 13 Dec. 2012.

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Jon Cupp:

After James Rosenberg (see below) said that Mike Tyne dropped the Rhet. & Comp. class, he wasn’t around to say stupid things. Jon said to James: “Hey, you’re still here, though.” 30 April 2014.

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Steven Demoff:

Anything she can write her name on, she does,” he said of Katie Roush (see below), 15 Oct. 2014.

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Garrett, you’re adopted,” said Steven as an insult, who added that Garrett Golt deserved it. Garrett responded that just because he doesn’t look like his parents doesn’t mean he’s adopted. 10 Dec. 2014.

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Ariana Dickson:

Why is that there? Why is that there? Take it off! Take it off!” she said to Jessica Thomas, about some picture on Jessica’s computer: “Eew, take it off!” added Ariana. “It’s out there for everyone to see anyway. You put it online,” said Jessica’s voice during class 13 May 2015.

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Alan Draves:

In study hall his sophomore year, after a senior girl told about chasing a fat squirrel up a tree to exercise it, Draves said, “Squirrels are allowed to be lazy.” The senior girl said, “they’re not allowed to be that fat, though.” 6 Nov. 2012.

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Draves told us his snake’s name was “Noodles.” This after a senior boy had said to Draves, “I wanna see your snake,” adding that he didn’t mean that sexually. After I wrote down that quote, the senior boy asked Draves if he’d ever been featured before in my quotes notes, and Draves said, “No.” 4 Dec. 2012.

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“[Stop.] You’re touching my face,” said Draves to Tyler Fasulo. “I was touching your beard,” said Tyler. “Which is on my face,” Alan retorted. 17 Dec. 2012.

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As long as I have Gary [a sticker of Gary the Snail from SpongeBob], my life is complete,” said Alan on 16 Oct. 2014.

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I’m sorry just for sorry’s sake,” said Draves on 23 Oct. 2014.
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The glove is still there,” Alan said of a glove in the parking lot that he and I (as I did my parking lot supervision duty) had noted a day or two before. Later in semester, we kept track of a hair tie that stayed on the parking lot surface for weeks. 13 March 2015
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Kendra Elliot:

Every spring, our school’s FFA squad puts on an Ag Day where farm animals and farm implements are put on display for high school and younger students to view. On this year’s Ag Day, Kendra said, during my third-hour class, “I wanna hold a chick.” I quipped, “in a different context, that was my entire high-school inner monologue.” 24 April 2015.

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David Eychaner:

To junior E. B., David said: “You should give someone your testicles if you don’t know what a Corvette Stingray is.” 31 Jan. 2015.

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Tyler Fasulo:

As a sophomore in my study hall, Tyler told a story about wanting to trap a squirrel in a pumpkin — “and then I will have a pet squirrel” — and then keeping that squirrel in a cage until it died so it doesn’t eat his face off. 6 Nov. 2012.

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Tyler told the study hall students also that bearcats smell like popcorn, or so he learned on the Internet. 6 Nov. 2012.

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One time, I sledded off my roof. I think I broke the gutter,” Tyler said on 6 December 2012. Later that day, Tyler added, “my head is cold,” because he got a hair cut.

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This is literally the only homework I’ve done all year,” said Tyler of an assignment I gave him in study hall, which assignment was to click on the random-article button on Wikipedia and write down the titles of the articles it took him to, 11 Dec. 2012. The first four articles he listed were: “Media Nusantara Citra,” an Indonesian media company; “Salvia confertiflora,” a “herbaceous perennial Brazilian shrub”; “Jambugapuram,” a Papanasam village; and “Jan Holub,” a Czech hockey player.

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To amuse the students one day, I showed them the minimally branching family tree of the Habsburg ruler Charles II of Spain. After seeing this chart showing many uncle-niece marriages, Tyler suggested that one might “get jiggy with your mom, and then you’d have a sister-daughter.” An older girl in the study hall said, “this study hall is so messed up.” 13 Dec. 2012.

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While in In-School Suspension, doing the usual punishment of copying the student handbook by hand, Tyler said the phrase “gross disrespect” seemed funny to him, as if a student would tell a teacher, “‘I don’t like you. I’m gonna throw up on your shoes.’” 7 May 2015.

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Ally Fenwick:

It’s so hard to be school appropriate… It’s a struggle — [I have] five filters,” Ally said on 21 Jan. 2015.

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Maddi Friday:

Things that don’t make sense to me don’t make sense to me,” said Maddi during the first weeks of last semester’s Creative Writing 1 class, 19 Jan. 2015.

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After I told Maddi a joke that, I said, my wife had made, Maddi said, “Do you want to hear a FUNNIER joke?”  17 March 2015.

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After Lexi Brooks-Larson (see above) asked me in class one day whether I would save her or her friend Kelsey Kersten if both were drowning, Maddi said, “Plot twist: Maddi’s drowning, too.”  17 March 2015.

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Through a process I don’t quite recall, Maddi, from her position in the front of the class, became the person who kept track of which of her classmates were out of the classroom on a potty mission. One day, Maddi told classmate Cassy Scarborough to hurry back from the bathroom, and Cassy responded with some answer Maddi didn’t like. “I COULD say ‘no,’” Maddi said, adding, “She gave me back-sass… That’s the last time SHE goes to the bathroom.” I said the power was going to Maddi’s head. 13 April 2015.

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On Maddi’s first day back to class after knee surgery, I asked her, “Are you on some good pain meds?” She laughed and said, “Heheehee, yeah.” 29 April 2015.

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Lizzie Fritsch:

Describing a customer at the restaurant where she worked, a customer who ordered the same meal, and who specifically requested 8 ounces of ketchup, on Wednesday, Friday and Sunday for two weeks in a row, she said, “What does he eat the other days?” 24 Oct. 2014.
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Lizzie, telling story about her freshman-year Homecoming date: “As soon as the lights came on in the commons,” her date asked “‘Will you go out with me?’” She said she then said, “I gotta find my ride.” 24 Oct. 2014.
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Garrett Golt:

Me and Steven [Demoff, above] are hilarious and we can’t even get on there,” referring to being quoted in my notes page. “I’m hysterical,” he added., 17 Oct. 2014.
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In the back of my head, I knew I was going to come in and not write the journal,” he said, meaning it’s not others’ fault that he’s behind in writing journals for my Creative Writing class. 22 Oct. 2014.
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People tend to look different when they’re young,” Garret said in answer to someone who said a certain teacher looked different in a 20-year-old yearbook than that teacher looks now. 6 Nov. 2014.
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I’m tired after chasing Steven down the hallway,” Garret said after Steven Demoff knocked Garrett’s books out of his hands, or something. 21 Nov. 2014.
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Kyle Helfrich:

[These are the] final days — if you wanna get suspended, get suspended now!” he said, as if addressing his senior classmates who were getting into trouble.  22 April 2015.

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Six days later, Kyle, who, for many weeks had worn an arm sling and had talked about breaking his clavicle, said to the class, “I faked an injury, haven’t been in gym in 2 months.

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Austin Holmes:

I don’t care; it’s mine,” said Austin after his friend pointed out flaws in the model airplane Austin had just purchased for two dollars from a teacher who’s leaving at the end of the semester. 1 May 2015.

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Brittany House:

Just leave it. I’m gonna punch you,” Brittany said to Becca Miller regarding Becca’s obsessive concern over Brittany’s elephant drawing. “I’ve been told … that I’m very violent,” Brittany added. 28 Oct. 2014.

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Tanner Huels:

What waitress DOES that? She was a bitch,” Tanner said, after describing some rudeness I didn’t hear. 16 Dec. 2014.

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Ahllam Kattab:

It’s a proud day when a guy purrs at you,” she said. 29 Oct. 2014.
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Caitlyn Kirk:

Just work already, ya dumb pens.” She later said, “I need to finish all the ones that are not done,” speaking perhaps of her journals? 24 Oct. 2014.
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“I wanna get money so I can buy stuff,” Caitlyn said, but when she gets money, she doesn’t want to spend it, she said. 24 Oct. 2014
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Elyssa Male:

My dad’s a cop. Don’t tell anybody,” she shouted to class on 21 Nov. 2012.

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You know, at home I sneeze really loud, like WAH-Choo,” Elyssa said on 21 Nov. 2012. But at school, “I don’t make a noise and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

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Joe (formerly “Joey”) Marchesi:

Interruption!” said Joey, who interrupted people every day, getting mad at others interrupting him. 16 Nov. 2012.

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After returning from the restroom, Joe said he’d left all his pencils in the bathroom. Why? I asked. Joe said he took his pencils out of his pants because “I didn’t want them to go sideways when I put my pants back on,” he said. He then demonstrated how the pencils shift in his pocket: “You get up, they go like this: fft,” he said. He also instructed others, “Put some pencils in your pocket, squat, and watch them come  out.” 28 Nov. 2012.

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How long do you have to rub chapstick on for?” asked Joey, as he applied chapstick. 28 Nov. 2012.

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Everything I say could be a quote,” said Joey. I said, “Well, yeah, so could everything anybody says.”  28 Nov. 2012.

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I’ve been drunk like seven times. Just kidding,” said Joe. 28 Nov. 2012.

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I hate it when I hallucinate,” classmate Ally Fenwick quoted Joe from the day earlier. Joe said he hates when he’s “just sittin’ there … [and I] see a dude in a suit walking around.” He later explained his hallucination with “I got tired once and I stayed up too late.” 28 Nov. 2012.

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I have never had dinner with those people ever,” said Joe, of a girl two years older who said she had eaten with Joey. 29 Nov. 2012.

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Joey, on returning from the bathroom after he had already come back to class once to ask to use a different bathroom because the nearby bathroom’s two toilets had issues (one had been peed on, and the other’s door wouldn’t lock, Joe said), came back a second time and burst in to class and announced, “Dude, guess what happened in the bathroom? The lights shut off. I was just chillin’ in there.” This was in a bathroom with motion-sensing light controls. 30 Nov. 2012.

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Everyday, my journal’s about today,” said Joe. 3 Dec. 2012.

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Where’s Ally at? What kind of shirt are you wearing?” Joe asked someone, with both questions in immediate succession. 6 Dec. 2012.

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What’s I.M.D.B. stand for?” asked Joe. “Internet Movie Data Base,” said classmate Zack Pauser. “What’s the ‘S’ stand for?” asked Joe. “There is no ‘S,'” Zack said. “I am retarded,” Joe said. 12 Dec. 2012.

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I really wish James Franco died. I would totally do him,” Joe said, where “do him” referred to writing a paper whose requirements were that the subject be deceased. 12 Dec. 2012.

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You saw my face and you probably thought, ‘I’m gonna get a quote today,’” said Joe to me, in the In-School Suspension room, 7 May 2015.

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As students were leaving the In-School Suspension room for lunch, and apropos of nothing, Joey announced, “I got three compliments yesterday from three girls.” 7 May 2015.

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Aaron Mehrings:

That’s the most excited I’ve ever seen someone to wash his hands,” said Aaron of Joe Marchesi. 6 Dec. 2012.

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Becca Miller:

I felt bad, but then again I didn’t,” Becca said to a friend. 28 August 2014.
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They’re not homemade, so they’re probably gross,” she said of cookies she’d made [from a pre-mix?] and brought to class. “I don’t like not making homemade cookies,” she said. 16 Oct. 2014.
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Just guess. It’s the one with the pig,” she said, and I forgot to record context. After I said that I write her statements because she says weird things, she said, “I’m brilliant.” 17 Oct. 2014.
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I’m VERY smart,” argued Becca to Steven Demoff. When I read this back to her the next day, she said, “When’d I say that?” 22 Oct. 2014.
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 After someone said it was a bad day and Becca agreed, she said, “Don’t even get me started. My pants ripped.” 23 Oct. 2014.
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To Mariah Baker, Becca said: “You sound like a little guinea pig when you laugh.” Then Becca added, “Mariah, that wasn’t an insult. That wasn’t an insult, for the love of Baby Jesus.” 23 Oct. 2014.
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To Steven Demoff, Becca said: “He knows. My brother told him,” about something that had happened two weeks before. Who “he” is was unclear to me. 4 Nov. 2014.
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Becca about Mariah, again: “She sounds like a frickin’ guinea pig.” 6 Nov. 2014.
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Later, Katie Roush told Becca, “Becca, you sound like a …” “Shut up, Katie,” said Becca. 14 Nov. 2014.
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All bald guys look alike,” Becca said, of the guy she mistook for her dad. “He rolled down his window — ‘You are not my dad.’ It looked like my dad,” she said, explaining that he was a distance away “and this is me,” she said, showing where she was. “I was very embarrassed,” Becca concluded. “I could tell,” said Brittany House. 6 Nov. 2014.
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Tiffanee called Alyssa me,” said Becca. 21 Nov. 2014.
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Emily Miller:

I know. I’m a human.” she said, context not recorded. 22 Oct. 2014.

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What Richie told me today: dating me is like dating himself.” 24 Oct. 2014.
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an egg dish … something made with eggs, like French toast, but different,” Emily said, 24 Oct. 2014.
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I got one from a robot once,” Emily said. I wasn’t sure what “one” referred to. 28 Oct. 2014.
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Emily to Angel Bryan: “No takes-ies backsies” then Emily quaked Angel’s desk, and Angel called Emily “a quaker.” 28 Oct. 2014.
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After Emily said, “What am I gonna do for two years in Illinois?” as if to stay here for 2 years after graduating h.s. before moving on, Angel Bryan offered, “Eat corn?” 28 Oct. 2014.
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Candy is better than nothing AND everything,” said Emily. 6 Nov. 2014.
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Angel said she lost two dollars, which had perhaps been Angel’s lunch money. Emily responded, “Oh, man, that sucks. I had a whole box of cookies for lunch.” 7 Nov. 2014.
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One day, I said I’d learned two things from overhearing Emily and Angel talk: that Angel had chihuahuas, and that Emily didn’t know Angel had chihuahuas. Emily said, “I DID know you had chihuahuas. [To me, she said] you learned a lie.” 11 Nov. 2014.
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I spelled ‘familiar’ like ‘farm-illyer,’” Emily said, 12 Nov. 2014.
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‘Butts are great.’ Wow. Thank you for the advice,” Emily said to Angel Bryan, perhaps after Angel had written “Butts are great” on Emily’s computer. 14 Nov. 2014.
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After Angel pretended to stab Emily with a pen, Emily said, “You know what? You’re not the only one who owns a pen, Angel.” 17 Nov. 2014.
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After looking at Angel’s computer screen, perhaps after reading a story on the screen, Emily said, “Demons don’t speak Azerbaijani.” 18 Nov. 2014.
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Once I go through this door, I’m not saying one more w—,” said Emily, stopping on the “w” sound. Angel Bryan said, “Gotta push her in to get her to shut up.” 19 Nov. 2014.
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I’m not talking to you,” said Emily to Angel B. I told Emily that she couldn’t say that statement with the second-person pronoun. I said that Emily said she would have to say, “I’m not talking to her.” Emily said, “Who’m I gonna say that to?” Me: “Not her. Because you’re not talking to her.” 21 Nov. 2014.
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Your hair looks like dog hair,” Emily said to me, 1 Dec. 2014.
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To Nick Berry, Emily said, “I ground up a bunch of candy canes and used that for the sugar.” 16 Dec. 2014.
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It’ll be funny SOMEday,” said senior girl Emily after a senior boy sustained a tooth injury while engaged (with a junior boy) in what the oldtimers would have unironically called “horseplay.” 3 Feb. 2015.
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After a junior student at an academic competition said the chemistry test was easy, Emily said, “If it was easy, why didn’t you win?” 5 March 2015.
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Sam Moore:

Can I call you ‘Dad’?” said Sam to me as he giggled. I said I’m not entirely comfortable with that. 30 Oct. 2014.

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Mr. Hagemann is the greatest thinker of our time,” said Sam, ever so accurately, of me. 16 Nov. 2014.

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Briana Ochoa:

Your class is so easy it’s hard,” Briana said after I said she could write a new poem in almost any way she wanted. 3 Oct. 2014.

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Sliding her assignment under the pile of others’ assignments, Briana said, “Nobody wants to be on the top.” 24 Oct. 2014.

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In her freewriting done in the hallway, Briana wrote: “Three boys … just looked at us funny because they don’t understand Mr. H’s unique and intelligent ideas.” 20 Nov. 2014.

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Shut it, close it, do something,” she said to Omar Lopez, about her backpack being open. 18 Dec. 2014.

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Bryce Papke:

On the morning of 22 May 2012, the last day of school for the year, Bryce said, “Literally, at 9:31, I’ll be a junior.

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Jasmyn Patterson:

If there was a test about jokes, I’d fail,” said Jazmyn, after she did not get a joke, 28 Nov. 2012.

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Alec Pease:

Alec, who is in a band, said to someone else in the hallway after school: “I don’t even tell people ’bout our shows that are far away” bec. he doesn’t expect anybody will go to them. 27 Jan. 2015.

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Val Perkins:

My family went to Disneyworld without me.” 17 Oct. 2014.

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Sarah Pillen:

Can I have the ‘No’ cupcakes for your asking?” Sarah asked this of a guy she walked past in the stairway, a guy who had asked, or was about to ask, a girl to prom using cupcakes with “Yes” and “No” on them. 20 March 2015.

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Alexis Piller:

Put this in my hair so it looks cute,” she said to Lexi Brooks-Larson and an older girl when I gave the three of them some stickers, 31 August 2012.

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Alex Rivera:

Of James Rosenberg (see below), Alex said, “I could see him living to his 30s.” 7 March 2014.

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When I told students that the music they were hearing during their journaling time was by Stan Getz, ALEX  responded, “Is he rich?” I said, “Stan Getz? I don’t know.” This wasn’t the first time this particular student has, seemingly seriously, asked me questions that seem more like non sequitors. 5 May 2014.

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If someone [had] pissed on it, it would be all yellow,” said Alex, and it was not, he said, I’m not sure what “it” was referring to. 7 May 2014.

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James Rosenberg:

Mrs. Hill never let ME leave the room,” he said to a girl in the hallway during classes. Then James leaned to get a drink from the water fountain and Principal Harper, passing by, and with impeccable timing, said “With good reason, Rosenberg,” who hadn’t seen Mr. Harper coming by and who did a spit take when he heard Harper’s zinger. 6 Dec. 2013.

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I could hit you up with some of that,” referring to ADHD drugs, said James on 8 April 2014. Then, “if you’re writing that down, don’t put any names attached to it,” said James Rosenberg.

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I ran 4 miles yesterday, Mr. Hagemann. My legs are tired,” said James. Then he said he has blisters from chopping wood and two classmates, Race Nantz and Chris Stone, told James he wasn’t chopping with correct technique. 5 May 2014.
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Mine curved that way,” James said about the flight path of a pen cap he had flicked or spun, but I enjoyed taking this quote out of context. 7 May 2014.
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I’m a walking prop,” James said, about how he was going to present to his history class the fashion of the 2010s decade while wearing his own clothes. 7 May 2014.
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I could chug that stuff,” James said of schnapps, then he said, “WHO KNOWS what I’m talking about?” and “I don’t care how to spell it [schnapps]” and then Abe Marquez said, “WHO KNOWS how to spell?” 7 May 2014.
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Also that same day, James invited me to play in the tackle football game he was organizing among his classmates. “Touch football for you,” he said.
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James sat with a particular student at a school assembly and that student “did NOT shut up the entire thing,” James said. I laughed because James himself likewise never shut up. 10 May 2014.
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Katie Roush:

After teacher Mr. Dobbs told Katie, “Don’t be a spazz,” Katie said, “I just got treated by Mr. Dobbs.” 30 Nov. 2012.

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Katelyn Kalata found a fly in her salad…It was disgusting. She thought she was eating fly legs the rest of the day,” said Katie, 10 Sept . 2014.

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K.T. Roush: “Can I use the word ‘ho’ or not?” in her assignment, she asked me. I said sure. “Thank you,” she said. I told her I’d write “Katie” as “K.T.” in my pocket page (where all these quotes were recorded). 31 Oct. 2014.

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Cassy Scarborough:

I think it would be different if you were tall, but you’re short,” said Cassy said to her classmate Sylver Johnson-Kirksy, about Sylver talking to a guy who’s her own height — 5’3″ — when her last boyfriend was 6’3″. 18 March 2015.

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On seeing another senior girl’s translucent lunch sack, Cassy said, “You have a banana and water — that’s it!”  6 May 2015.

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Pablo Silva:

Yes, totally do that, thank you. It’s a very good idea,” he said at end of 2nd hour Creative Writing, about what, I wasn’t sure. 3 Sept. 2014.

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Drew Slade:

If I was a bug, I’d want to be a tick,” Drew said , 17 Oct. 2014.

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Chris Stone:

Of James Rosenberg (see above), Chris said, “You’re not gonna survive long in the world we live in,” after James told him to recycle (or not) the Puffs tissues box in the classroom. 19 March 2014.

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Richie Stofflett:

After standing in line to get coffee for himself and for me after an academic competition at Northern Illinois University, Richie said that standing in line is his only skill. I told him not to sell himself short — surely he has other skills. He said, “Selling myself short is my other skill.” 5 March 2015.

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I can’t play pool, but I can lie professionally” as an actor, Richie said, also on 5 March 2015.

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Richie said he didn’t want to stand up to clap for award winners at an academic competition. Emily Miller said, “You also don’t tip.” Richie retorted, “Grow up with a Jewish grandmother and see if you tip,” to which Emily said, “I can’t grow up with a Jewish grandmother.” 5 March 2015.

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After Emily offered to draw a picture of Richie as “a different kind of animal,” she drew him “as a duck.” Richie said, “That’s quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I didn’t know I’d enjoy being a duck so much.” Then, after Emily suggested Richie date a certain person, Richie said, “Just because I’m a duck doesn’t mean I don’t have standards.” 5 March 2015.

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Jessica Thomas:

What did you print out, Ben [Worthington] — your whole life?” said Jessica, while at the printer. 16 May 2013.

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One day it’s like, ‘huh-huh, huh-huh’; the other, it’s ‘heh-heh, heh-heh,’” said Jessica, describing another girl’s changing laugh. 1 May 2015.

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Tatum Wagner:

Why are you laughing? I can’t remember putting anything funny in that note,” said Tatum to a student a year older, when both were near lockers after school on 11 Nov. 2013.

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I was sitting through class with a fish in my pocket,” Tatum said of an episode where she was trying to sneak a betta fish into the ag-teacher’s classroom and deposit it in some vase of water and flowers the teacher had. And Tatum had offered the fish to her sister, but “she didn’t want it. She told me it was ugly.” 11 March 2015.

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THAT’S why you don’t ride horses bareback when they’re in heat,” said Tatum, explaining why she had scrapes and bruises on her face and arms. April, 2015.

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Savannah Williams:

On freshman sitting in the hallway after being kicked out of their English teacher’s classroom, Savannah said: “Freshmen in their natural habitat.” 5 Dec. 2014.

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Eli Valdivieso:

Of someone he saw while looking through the 2007 yearbook, Eli said: “He did not pubertize.” 18 Feb. 2015.

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Sarah Vogeler:

On the seniors’ last day of school, 20 May 2015, Sarah said to me: “Have a good life, Mr. Hagemann.

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