February-Dreary. Why not Drearuary?

Back to the cold! 10° with windchill of -10—it’s been around or above freezing for a week or 10 days, really—and won’t be above freezing now again til Tuesday, according to forecast this morning.

I wonder what Mom thinks about god & church & stuff. She doesn’t seem to need much church herself. I don’t know that she’d call herself an agnostic, but she might. I should ask her—the evidence suggests she doesn’t need much churching.

And Sam is Sam, and the world’s still crazy, and Obama’s got a plan to help homeowners, but it feels like it’s not a sure thing; it may not do much. I just noticed the end of noise from fridge. How often that runs and we don’t even notice it. I tapped on [downstairs neighbor & grandma] P__’s window last night to let her know layers’ house door was open but she was asleep, even with TV on—a cozy scene, with Beez [dog] asleep on bed and P__ reclining as if she were watching TV under her quilt, but her eyes were closed.

OK, quilt—we have a down comforter, but the quilt is the peasant bed cover. Nothing wrong with quilts—it’s just that they were born out of frugality and necessity—using scraps for blankets. One hears, now and then, the idea that in this new age of austerity, people will be less focused on materialism and community values may thrive. People may do more things beyond money-making. OK, I can buy that. But I don’t really have friends. I’m a depressed sad sack in the winter who last night felt really affectless—didn’t feel any joy or interest in anything. I made soup, lots of garlic, M likes it. But I stayed up just so my stomach could empty—I ate 6:30–7. If I’d eaten earlier, I’d have gone to bed by 8 instead of 9:30. But we’ll see.

February, huh? M. talked to [her friend] S__ D__ last night. M said something about going to bed to get up and do this day over. S__ said that didn’t sound very positive. M talking to a friend, that seemed fun, you know? A respite from our dreary lives—oh, the lives are OK, not terrible, just February-Dreary. Why not Drearuary—but I don’t suppose that helps it seem any less dreary.

[From journal of Thurs. 19 Feb. 2009, 5:53 a.m. Journal 109, page 56-7]

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