M just said how there are so many skinny people in the city; it made her feel fat. What they are is young people, M said. I said, in light of my recent writing about ambitious people, “they haven’t yet learned to give up their dreams.” (I said it in a tone that was a bit sing-songy, indicating I knew it was a bitter sort of sarcasm. M said something like”nice.”)
But maybe I once thought I needed to compete with those go-getters, and now I see that we’ve chosen different paths through life.
Well, it’s 10:44, and I’m back from peeing and putting on pants and I’m probably done writing for now. M is too tired to go to diner, which is fine with me, but I’ll go get eggs—maybe take dog with for a ride. I was just petting him as he lay right-side down on carpet and I brushed him slow so he wouldn’t mind, and he didn’t.
And I guess I don’t really have much more to say about these kids and their careers. They are what they are now—I don’t need to criticize them. It’d be presumptuous (and worse—false!) to tell them that my view of the world is also how they should view the world. I have no evidence or reason to think my view is best, or would fit everyone else or anyone else, or, hell, even me, really. I don’t know that my understanding of the world, the way it works, the way lives and careers play out, is even necessarily working for me—I mean, it seems to be working for me, mostly, but it’s not like every aspect of my life is perfect (whatever that even means).
[From journal of Sat. 16 Dec. 2017, Journal 266, page 173-5]