Done! Done with this hell-hole known as Tech! Back to civilization!
Just finished with phil. final … Final seemed too easy, but others finished early, too, so must not be too bad.
Not too much else to do today. Catch up on this [journal], I guess, and laundry. Hope mom gets here early tomorrow.
I need to write when I get home. I need to get active and forget doubts, like my ability to create a good character. I’ll never know unless I try. I need to create characters that speak, and not put words in their mouth.
Can’t believe I’m going home. In a lot of ways, it will be like regressing to high school. It’s weird to think I’ll never see most of the people I know now again, even though I despised them before. It’ll be odd to see Chris, Matt and Joe again. Living at home. I’ll be different — it’s not that I won’t fit in, I know I can, but it’ll be weird to see these things and people in a new light after experiencing Tech. I just hope I don’t forget how much I hated it up here, in the winter, with the engineers, ’cause it already seems not as bad. I guess time heals all wounds, but I don’t want to forget this experience. Now Tech seems really nice, but I know I couldn’t spend another winter up here.
I know I haven’t been as creative as I was in March and April — gala months for revelations. I’ve been so busy studying and worrying about going home. Also, I just haven’t had as many new ideas — funny thing. A cyclical thing — fertile and fallow months. I expect to get a lot of new ideas with all the reading I’ll be doing this summer.
It’s funny — nothing I have to do today. So weird.
My hair is getting just too long. It’s in my eyes. I want to keep it long, but I don’t want it in my eyes. I look better w/ long hair, but not too long.
Drugs: there are a lot of people who are just yes-men for the “Just Say No” committee. They should change that to “Just Say No and Blindly Accept our Decree Without Thinking for Yourself” because that’s what it is. It’s fine to say no, it’s perfectly ok, that’s not what I’m saying. But, as with anything you do, you should know why you’re saying no. You should always come from an informed position, when making any non-emotional decision.
There are different types of people when it comes to making a drug-use decision. People who blindly say no — foolish. It’s much better (and people respect you more) when you have a reason. The person who is unsure of their wants is wishy-washy — not cool, can’t respect that person. I know it’s not always possible to have a decision, but at least be confident of not having a decision. Wishy-washy people just have no respect, aren’t cool.
While I was taking notes from my phil. notes, I realized that information can be compacted almost infinitely, ’til you get down to one word or one sentence. This is scary. This is like 1984, where Big Brother controlled the thought of the citizens by reducing the number and meaning of words. You can always take meaning out, but restoring meaning is tougher. So it is important to not overly-condense material so as to not leave out subtle meanings and nuances, which can be more important, have more meaning than blatant statements.
Rap is the only really new music form for our generation. It’s the modern street poetry, the beat of our generation.
(Paragraph below typed 30 May)
I helped Andy move out. I took pictures for Matt’s ASCE drawing. Did laundry — got hot in dryer. Ate by myself at Subway. Went to Readmore for a few minutes. Took nap and packed some more. Mopped whole floor. So quiet in dorm. Started Dharma Bums — that book is incredibly bad! The dialog is corny and highschoolish (I think some of my dialog in “expurgators” was better) and all the other characters talk only about how great Japhy Ryder (Gary Snyder) is. So different from the best book ever written, On The Road. If nothing else, Vonnegut was at least consistent. Matt came back around midnight.
[From journal of Fri., 21 May 1993, typed 21 May except as noted above.]