Wasting his consciousness by getting wrapped up in dumb signifiers

Shoot, it looks like some kind of still-life outside, with no shadows anywhere and it looks like the whole world (except for a dark car just headed west, and then a dark SUV the same) is, well, dead – when it’s not dead. I mean, or maybe it is temporarily dead – or the particular plants of the last growing season are dead – but the roots of the grass and the trees stay alive. I don’t know what “alive” means for glass (or grass) and trees – I don’t really know what “alive” means for me. … 

I feel bad for Elon Musk – and it’s probably not … pity from some midwestern dumba*s that he wants or cares about but his actions over the last year (and more) indicate someone who’s sorta socially awkward but also desperate for attention and maybe love and of course I have not a – I have essentially (rounds to) zero money compared to the money he owns (the assets – Tesla stock – he controls). But also, well, he seems like he’s just … wasting his consciousness by getting wrapped up in dumb signifiers, thinking it’s more important for him to be admired (by strangers, no less) than it is for him to be a person who is kind and helpful and generous – and that’s sad. … Anyway, Elon’s just an idea to me – I don’t have to talk to him. He’s just an abstraction and a weird dude – a part of the culture, someone whose name gets tossed around. I mean, sure, there’s a sense in which it’s powerful … I mean, in which he gains money and power from being widely known – but that also seems, well, a dumb, low-quality, kind of life. But some people, even some rich people, live dumb lives.

[From school journal of 13 Jan. 2023]