I now (finally) know myself well enough

Oh, let’s write about this: yesterday Drew Magary at Defector.com wrote … about how, in his late 40s, preparing to see his first child go to college, he said he’s starting to feel like a secondary character in his own life, and he’s OK with that. I don’t quite agree – and maybe I’d feel his way if I did have kids, but maybe not. I feel only in recent years (definitely after I turned 40) that …  I’ve really accepted myself and my life, and really started enjoying who I am and what I do. I’ve let some ambition (but not all of it) go. And maybe that’s what Magary means – maybe he’s let up on some ambition, and so he can enjoy his life, his daily living. He’s more satisfied with it. On other hand, I mean, I don’t really feel resigned or done at all – I feel like only recently have I earned the right to enjoy life, in a way – weird to say that, but, well, I mean, I now (finally) know myself well enough to know how I want to spend my time, my life, my remaining days. I mean, my life isn’t perfect – I’d like to see my friends more – but honestly, life feels a lot more perfect, a lot more good, more whole, than it ever has before. I don’t feel as frustrated – I’m more accepting of things that happen, and I also feel I understand the world and I’m better at managing my own frustrations and unhappiness, when those occur … Anyway, yeah, I do feel like my life is finally good (and just writing that seems like I need to knock on wood – I’m asking for it now!! No, not really) – but even as I’ve had some stressors in my life …, honestly, I feel OK, even with all that else going on.

[From school journal of 8 March 2023, 3rd hour.]

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