Tag Archives: 1993

This place has become more normal for me

Show went very well. I’m becoming more accustomed to speaking on the radio and not sounding dumb or nervous.

[Roommate] was an asshole today — talked on the phone at 10 this morning, while I was trying to sleep. I was mad, but I didn’t say anything — why start an argument now? And I didn’t feel like spending all the energy arguing takes.  

Read some more of Life 101 — what a great book. It’s like the authors took their ideas about life and put them in a book. 

Called mom around 2. Told her that I’ve been thinking about who I am and who I want to be.  

I feel pretty happy lately. I’ve been troubled, of course, but overall I’ve felt contented. My sense of humor seems to be back, and I’ve had an easy time talking to people lately. This place has become more normal for me.

Also, I’ve been thinking about who I am and what interests me, who I want to associate with, etc. I think I’m a fairly intellectual, mature person. Not that I want to script myself into being just intellectual (and therefore stuffy), but I do like to read, like to learn, and like to discuss issues. I also like spending time with other similarly intellectual people, rather than uninformed hillbillies like [roommate], for example.  

I also don’t drink. I thought about it the other day — the pros and cons of drinking. I came up with 8 cons, 2 weak pros. I know I don’t want to drink, so why even try it? I know it’s detrimental to my health, studies, extra currics, mind, etc., so why do it?

That’s why I don’t, and I don’t associate with people who do. There is still a little part of me that keeps telling me that alcohol isn’t that bad, go ahead and try it, but my intellect and reason always intervenes.  Not to say that I’ll never drink, but I don’t feel a real need to drink any time soon.

Both of these reasons say to me that I’m different from the crowd, I’m an individual. Not that we all aren’t, but my intellect and beliefs seem much different from other peoples’.

I never really thought about it before, but I guess I really am different.

I also told mom about how the Todd guy from tennis thought I was much older than I am. That’s funny — other people see you so differently than you see your self.

Worked on this journal. Read some SS318. Went over to house after dinner to watch Superbowl. I told Chad I didn’t think I was going to call Kasey for a while, and he thought that was a good idea. [Chad’s girlfriend] Trish thinks Kasey is just leading me on. Oh, well. I’ll just play it cool and see what happens.

[Journal of Sun., 31 January 1993]

Overwhelmed by looking at the 3 years ahead

Made oatmeal.  No instructor (again) in tennis.  Had to play w/ John Who Tries Too Hard To Win.  SS318 test moved till next Wed.  Didn’t finish logic homework.  Went downtown and got broom, knee and elbow pads, and cheap helmet [for intramural broomball].  Got all for less than I thought, about $50 total.  

I tried talking to [roommate] — went well.  I’m looking for a new room.  We may both move, or not. I don’t know.  

Called home. Did calc and caught up on this [journal].  I should do this more often, so I don’t forget important stuff.

Mom and I talked a lot about why I’m unhappy here when I was home. Most of her suggestions had to do with having a positive mental attitude and looking for the best in people, situations, etc. I’ve been depressed last two days, but I’m going to try harder when things get back to normal.  Speaking of normal, … I’m still considering transferring. Right now, I just feel overwhelmed by looking at the 3 years ahead of me. I don’t know.  I guess I’ll just stick around for this and next year, then see.

[Journal of Monday, 4 January 1993]

She said I’ll be missed, which I will

Worked 10–5. We were ver’ busy. I was on “dress” table, and kept making jokes to keep myself from getting too serious, which helped to keep whole team loose. Ronald came today. B__ and A___ both worked — B__ is ver’ nice. I’ve been friendly with her. Christine expressed her frustration with the McMoron J__ through looks (rolling-eye-type looks) and putting her head on my shoulder, in a sort of giving-up-comfort-me type of  gesture. I said, “you know, Christine, it’s not hard to fill the bun cabinet,” and she said, “I know.” Told Cindy I was leaving soon. She said I’ll be missed, which I will.

Left at 5. Stopped by Subway and bought a pop from S___ to validate my presence. On a second impulse, I went back inside and asked her to coffee. She had to work late and gave me one of those “I don’t know …” kind of looks, which is not unusual, considering she has a boyfriend. But she didn’t say “no” or “I have a boyfriend.” I didn’t consider my offer too forward. Who knows? I said I’d be back before she leaves the 20th.

Home and complained to mom about work. Dad came over. He is rather opinionated and destructive (not a good word) — fiery. Just as I started to nap, Sh____ called and wanted me to come in. I really wasn’t all that interested, but decided that I might as well, since one day she might actually ask me to something interesting.

[From journal of Sat. 7 August 1993 (written 8-8), Journal 4, pages 248-9]

Alone for 3 hours gives a chance to reflect

Got up and did [college radio] show at 9 – noon. Much nicer time than last term. Somehow, though, I just didn’t feel like doing the show this a.m.  —residue of my poor outlook of last week, I think.  I also needed to wake up earlier than 8:15, just so can get alert and into character by the time of the show.

Did homework for much of day — read many pages in Chaucer [this book, I think it was]. The nap I took in p.m. really helped me stay alert for reading in early eve. Called mom — she wasn’t home, so she called back when I was in study lounge. Then she called back at 9:30, when she said she would call at 9. I did some calc afterwards.

Short ideas —

– personal nature of radio show.  It’s me and the audience.  I choose the music, what I say, etc.  Alone for 3 hours gives a chance to reflect.

– technology -> nerds? Sure, there are weird people in humanities, but not so many anti-social nerds. Is there something about science/technology which creates nerds?

[Journal of Sun., 14 March 1993, written 20 March 1993]

People can’t be different than what they are, so don’t criticize them

I am going to try to write at least a half-hour per day to practice my writing, even if it’s just writing in the journal everyday.  And if I skip, I can’t make it up to keep from falling behind — I never will.

[My college-radio jazz] show went well today — I only talked 4 times.  I just didn’t feel a need to talk.  When I did, I sounded kinda silly, so I didn’t.  Had to let H. into office — that guy is a jerk.  He acts like he owns everything.

Had a great idea at lunch — people can’t be different than what they are, so don’t criticize them. There is specific series of events, in most all cases, which has shaped people’s personalities and even their appearance. And since I believe in only limited free will, people really can’t help the way they are.  Just a thought in the endless stream of consciousness. Thank god it’s endless.

Before nap, it was cloudy and cold. When I woke up from nap, it was sunny and warmer. Fooled around in p.m., looked at papers, messed with the Colombia catalog and got copies of my favorite artistes.  Went with Rob to Copper Country Mall, got fishing license and went to B. Dalton — found nothing interesting but a new edition of Tolkien trade paperbacks.

Sat down after dinner and wrote 5-page paper in response to my … paper I did last fall. It was really fun — the words just flowed from me.

Cleaned room and am going to work on story and finish it, so I can put it away for a few days.  I’m not really worried about homework at all tonight— I’m on a higher mission.  [From journal of Sun., 25 April 1993]

Sweat running down and grease rising up

First day at McDonald’s. Wow.

It would be neat to write a story contrasting my work the the Bulls’ final game: Sweaty, hot work. Both dragged on for hours. Clean up—leaving—like Mike’s press conference.

Interesting: greasy, slippery floor. Hot Steam. Greasy thick grill that burns fingers. Chip-meat that sounds and feels weird. Forehead-face mask of sweat running down and grease rising up. Pickle-smell, roar of chicken fats, odor of cheese factory. Heavy, musky-like scent of cooked meat after opening cabinet door.

Everything so hot, me very thirsty. Buns sticking to toaster, getting bent.

General feel of disorder—piled dishes, garbage, bread racks.

It seemed before that fast food was so sterile, orderly, channels for food.

Not at all—calls made all the time, constantly catching up, piles of dirty implements.

Greasy floor—can slide easily.

Me trying to work hard, impress managers. Sara offering free food and me taking just water. It’s funny—usually when you’re busy, time goes quicker, but I was busy and time still seemed slow.

Managers told me I did well, especially on a hectic first day. Talked to several people—Heather, Amy Bagle, Grand Canyon Dehydration Story Joel, who showed me toasting.

I’ve never worked this hard for money before.

I did grilling, toasting of buns, wrapping, Q-ing, even made a couple sandwiches and packed McNuggets.

Ribbon mayonnaise.

No time.

All work can make you cynical.

[13 June 1993, Sunday, 11:43 p.m. Journal 004, page 406-7]

Links: 1993, old Victorians, old Greeks, old Godard

1. A recap of the Digable Planet’s debut album from 20 years ago.

2. The AVClub also highlights other 1993 pop culture moments.

3. A recreation of ancient Greek music.

4. A gallery of Victorian street life in London.

5. Godard’s Contempt: “The coolest movie of all time.”

‘The Teachings of Mr. Hagemann,’ Volume 10

Pages 0 - 1

Pages 0 – 1

Pages 2 - 3

Pages 2 – 3

4 - 5

4 – 5

6 - 7

6 – 7

8 - 9

8 – 9

10 - 11

10 – 11

12 - 13

12 – 13

14 - 15

14 – 15

16 - 17

16 – 17

18 - 19

18 – 19

20 - 21

20 – 21

22 - 23

22 – 23

24 - 25

24 – 25

26 - 27

26 – 27

28 - Inside back cover

28 – Inside back cover