Tag Archives: things students say

‘See ya, nerd-king’: November’s overheard quotes

Byron, IL snow, 20 Nov. 2015

Friday night snowfall, Byron, Ill., 20 Nov. 2015

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Overheard: The voice of a boy in the hallway outside my classroom: “But I LEGIT thought you died ‘cuz you never miss school.” A girl’s voice then described some of her symptoms. 4 Nov.

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“In workplace ethics…, it’s wrong, but –“ said a dude inside the Byron McDonald’s drive-thru window. I love the “but” coming after a stated moral principle. 4 Nov.

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After a meeting for an academic competition, student asked another student if he were going to “get swole,” meaning to get “swollen,” more muscular. 6 Nov.

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In my classroom one afternoon, senior student said she had captured some smelly bugs in a tissue. She asked to go flush these bugs down the toilet. Just put them in the garbage can, I said. “If they come out and make babies, it’s not my fault,” she said. Then when I wrote down this quote, she said, “I’m always so flattered” when I quote her. 5 Nov.

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During a quiz bowl match between students from my school and a nearby school, I read a question that was asking for the name of the Pac-12 university whose mascot is the Bruins. After none of the ten competitors buzzed in, I said, “c’mon, nerds,” because I thought this was fairly common knowledge (that it was the UCLA Bruins), but no one got it right. Later, as we were leaving, I said, “see ya, nerds,” to some of the kids from my school, and one of them answered, “see ya, nerd-king.” That was a good comeback. 9 Nov.

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“Riding the bus with me was like the Magic School Bus — (pause) — until I got suspended,” said student to a fellow former bus-mate. 11 Nov.

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Make food, with cheese, found in high school hallway, 20 Nov. 2015

The study aid of someone who’s about to flunk a biology test: a notecard I found in high school hallway, 20 Nov. 2015

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As my creative writing students worked on their comic strips/graphic stories, student asked, “how do I draw zombie toast?” Use “googly eyes,” answered classmate. Second classmate said, “What does zombie toast eat?” Classmate said, “nothing. Butter.” Student said, “I already drew him with jelly.” 11 Nov.

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Ogle County, afternoon sun, 18 Nov. 2015

Afternoon sun, along Church Road, Ogle County, Ill., 18 Nov. 2015

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“You guys are a bunch of Richards,” said senior girl to some of her classmates after they made rude comments. “I make myself laugh,” she said. 13 Nov.

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As another class worked on their comic strips, student asked, “Do zoos have moose?” “‘Do zoos have moose,’ said Doctor Suess,” I added. Later, student said, “Gooses are called ‘geese.'” Student 2 said, “Why can’t ‘moose’ be ‘meese’?” Student 3 answered, “Because they’re all whores.” 13 Nov.

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After my students complained that our school’s library aide had teased them, a classmate said, “She’s steady-roastin’ you guys.” 13 Nov.

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Ogle County, afternoon sun, 18 Nov. 2015

Sunny grass, blue sky: Looking east down Holcomb Road at Church Road, Ogle County, Ill., 18 Nov. 2015

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As she worked on a creative writing project, student said she wanted to watch a movie about aliens. Some classmates suggested some movies such as “Alien,” but she said, “I want a real one, a documentary” about aliens. I said, “that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in two weeks.” 13 Nov.

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“Now I’m involved in TWO mental fights with you,” said my wife to me as we got in the car and I said something snarky to her, after earlier having criticized one of her habits. 14 Nov.

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Student said to second student, apropos of nothing, “Hey, from your leg to your waist, you look like a different person … you match, but in that mismatch kind of way.” Later, student said, “Sometimes you just need a new pair of legs.” 17 Nov.

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We bought you guys a house — thanks for lettin’ us live here,” my wife said to our dog and cat. She said this after realizing that our pets spend more time in this dwelling than she and I do. 19 Nov.

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My student said she will be “a little bit less lot-behind” when she gets caught up on writing her journals for my creative writing class. 19 Nov.

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Simplified spellings

A local grocery promotes simplified spelling of “Campbell’s” soups. 25 Nov.

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“Instead of getting your normal rabies shot, you’d have to get a radiation shot … that would suck,” said high school boy walking with friends in the hallway before school. I was later informed that one of the boys had mentioned the possibility of disease of “cancer rabies.” 20 Nov.

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Student said to me about my dog, “tell him I said ‘what up.'” So I did tell my dog that student said “what up.” My dog didn’t react much. 20 Nov.

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At the high school where I teach, I’m the coach of the WYSE team, a group of students who compete for top scores on tests in math and science. Of her answer to a practice question she perceived as easy, student said, “If it’s not ‘C,’ I’m dropping out of school.” 20 Nov. 2015.

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One of my high school students turned 18 on Tuesday 24 Nov. “I can smoke and date old people,” she said.

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"The penguin? Yeah, it's kinda creepy," said a middle-aged man to a boy next to him, about the entryway decoration at Beltline Cafe, Freeport, Ill., 27 Nov. 2015.

“The penguin? Yeah, it’s kinda creepy,” said a middle-aged man to a boy next to him, about the entryway decoration at Beltline Cafe, Freeport, Ill., 27 Nov. 2015.

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At Thanksgiving dinner, my father-in-law said he should have called my uncle for advice. My uncle said, “I don’t know why more people don’t.” 26 Nov.

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My cousin who’s majoring in biophysics said that fish food tastes better than dog food. “Those fish know what’s up,” he said.

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“The problem with doing stuff with people who aren’t you is that you have to make plans,” said my wife as we lay down for a nap at about noon:30 on Saturday 28 Nov.

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Byron, IL , 25 Nov. 2015

Byron, IL , 25 Nov. 2015

‘We Need More Bus’: My Students Explain Things

Here are things I’ve overheard my high school students say in recent days.

1. “I hate gravity because it throws my stuff on the ground,” said student.

2. “Sometimes when I tuck in my shirt, I tuck in my hair, too, ” said long-haired student.

3. “I got in trouble because I was lookin’ up cat herpes or something, ” said senior student.

4. “It’ll be funny SOMEday,” said senior girl after a senior boy sustained an injury while engaged in what the oldtimers would have unironically called “horseplay. ”

5. “We need more bus,” said a student on a school bus that was more full than usual but wasn’t actually all that full. “Double up. Quit your whining,” deadpanned the bus driver.

6. “I’m not that smart, I promise,” said sophomore student after I told her to stay away from my computer so I didn’t suspect her of changing grades.

7. “This is from, like, a decade ago,” said senior girl as she turned in an assignment due 3 weeks ago. “You did this when you were 8?” I replied.

8. “I want to be a satyr,” said sophomore boy as our class discussed the Greek god Dionysus and his followers. “Are you saying you don’t have big man-parts?” asked sophomore girl.