Tag Archives: Warrant

‘You the smartest bitch in this place’: What if brains were sexy?

The women I love are smart women.

My mom taught English (after getting her M.A. in rhetoric) and writes and directs plays. My wife graduated third in her class at UIUC Law and runs her own law firm. My maternal grandmother and her mother recited poetry for fun, and when my dad’s mom wasn’t allowed (by her father) to go to high school, she repeated eighth grade just so she could keep going to school.

Granted, certain women’s shapes and smiles catch my attention. Thus speaks biology through my mind. But, of course, beauty fades while minds flower, and the women (and men) who are the most interesting are those who know stuff, who do things. (Of course, this implies that people should learn and do things for other people, while I believe that learning is intrinsically rewarding.)

So, I’d like to see more pop songs celebrate women’s minds rather than just their bodies. I know this seems willfully missing-the-point of pop songs, but I think the requisite bragging posture can be maintained if Robin Thicke took out “hottest” and sang “You the smartest bitch in this place.”

If this song can be performed, as here, with lots of different instruments, why not change out some of the other words as well? Let’s re-word this song’s chorus:

OK now he was rude, tried to intimidate you

But you’re an intellect; baby, it’s in your nature

Let me congratulate you

Hey, hey, hey

You’ve written many papers

Hey, hey, hey

Your job cannot contain you

Hey, hey, hey

And I’d love to see readers suggest their own songs ripe for sexy-to-brainy makeovers. Off the top of my head, I’m thinking of Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” as:

She’s got a brilliant mind

She’ll cite a legal case —

no  Shepardize!

Thinks so good,

Make a jury say “aye”!

Sweet legal mind

What other songs could be revised?